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That spoiled child... is mine

June 5th, 2006 at 01:22 am

This will be a hard post to write, but I can't always talk about the good stuff. Well, I could but it wouldn't be a very honest blog.

I used to own my own business. Financially things went well, especially at Christmas and Easter. Money was plentiful but time with the kids was not. So what did I do? Bought them things. DS is 11 and doesn't ask for much of anything. He's the most low maintenance kid you could imagine. He doesn't care what he wears, eats, or has. An occasional treat is fine, other than that we seldom buy him things. He saves his allowance for what he wants and frequently gives or loans his money to his big sister.

Then there's the 17 year old. She wants me to buy her things all the time, constantly. She has no job and isn't actively searching. She's a junior in high school. We used to spend time together shopping or going to the book store or the movies. I frequently took her to Hollister, Abercrombie & Fitch, Bebe, Neiman Marcus, etc. My mom and sister buy her a lot too. Last February we went to a wedding in Minnesota and visited the Mall of America. I got her a couple of tee shirts. My sister got her shoes, a purse, a few outfits, and mom got her a Juicy outfit, some jewelry... you get the picture. They went off on their own and I didn't think it would be that much stuff.

Anyhow, it's not like I'm not to blame here. She is used to shopping expiditions where I would drop $400 to $500 with no problem.

We sold our business in 2005 and put the profits into an "untouchable" account. It is for the kids' college education. Right now DH and I both work at jobs that don't pay a spectacular amount. He was downsized in 2004 and makes less now. I enjoy my job for the most part but sure don't make much! The job hunt begins anew this week.

We live within our means right now and pay the bills with what we earn. That's just how it is.

DH and I have both talked to DD about how things are different now. She just can't seem to acknowledge that we're not willing or able to fund shopping trips, a car, money for the school yearbook ($75) $25 in lunch money every week, and on and on. When either of us brings this up she gets angry.

I told DH that we have to show some "tough love" and cut her off from any spending money. He agrees. We've been doing that for a while and she calls us mean. (Sigh)

I figure eventually the kid will get a job. Or, drive us crazy.

Posted in Uncategorized | 9 Comments »

9 Responses to “That spoiled child... is mine”

  1. campfrugal Says:
    June 5th, 2006 at 01:32 am 1149471131
    1149471131

    I can relate with your pain. I have three children. My 14 yodd is very responsible and babysits and buys the items she wants. My 11 yods is always wanting something. Right now it is a $250 bat (of course, my answer is no). I also told him that items are as good as the player, they don't make you better because they cost more. But, my 21 yods only works part-time, is overdrawn on his account, cell phone shut off, a couple parking tickets, behind in his insurance. He did just catch up on his rent, but I did say he would probably have to move home and use the rent money to pay his other bills, and that we were not here to pay his bills while he has a good time. We are trying to make it ourselves. We are doing the tough love thing right now ourselves. Good Luck.

  2. boomeyers Says:
    June 5th, 2006 at 01:32 am 1149471177
    1149471177

    Ahhh.... so these are the monsters I am breeding. Check out my latest blogs about taking the girls to the mall! I bought DD1 at hat for $12.00. A stupid hat. She did'nt even deserve it or earn it! All my friends spoil their kids too. I commend you on pulling the plug. Usually we do that, make them earn and spend their own.
    Will your daughter do chores for cash at your house? At least this is some way of making money and helping you out around the house.

  3. Thrifty Ray Says:
    June 5th, 2006 at 01:32 am 1149471179
    1149471179

    In her eyes...mean now....but down the road she will see the benefits of your parenting choices (they always do!)

    You are absolutely right to head her in this direction...Kids with the 'entitlement' mentality have it much tougher than those who have learned the value of working for their needs/wants.

    Stay strong and good luck!

  4. contrary1 Says:
    June 5th, 2006 at 04:51 am 1149483112
    1149483112

    Hard to learn that your own kids probably won't like you much for a period of time (think years here). Sometimes that will change, and sometimes they grow up to be people you might not even like. Just being someones parent doesn't guarantee that you two will be best friends.

    All those Johnson & Johnson baby commercials don't ever tell you this part....... Smile

  5. LuckyRobin Says:
    June 5th, 2006 at 06:12 am 1149487952
    1149487952

    I think you are doing the right thing. But I would offer to pay for the yearbook if she took cold lunch to school for a month, even though that month may not be until next school year. Yearbooks are something that encapsulate your high school memories. I still look through mine 17 years later.

  6. miclason Says:
    June 5th, 2006 at 02:44 pm 1149518676
    1149518676

    It's tough....my niece used to be like that...my sister sat her down and made her fill in an excel spreadsheet detailing what my sister makes and how much is spent on what...she almost flipped when she saw my sister was living JUST THERE at the limit....so, she started spending less and, being a lot less demanding where "stuff" and enterntainment is concerned..
    good luck...and, yes "mean" now, but, down the line, once she starts earning her own money, she'll understand!

  7. annab Says:
    June 5th, 2006 at 07:27 pm 1149535652
    1149535652

    I agree w/contrary1 -- it's a normal part of growing up to become disenchanted with your parents. It's a teenage way of asserting one's independence. I know I was really bratty for a while, but once I learned that 1) no one will love me like my parents do and 2) I'm not entitled to anyone's love/attention, then things were different. She'll grow out of it, especially when she has to do for herself.

  8. KarenSue Says:
    June 7th, 2006 at 12:49 pm 1149684546
    1149684546

    Thanks for all of your replies. I'm glad I'm not the only one here dealing with this.

    Lately I've been getting her used to the idea that she gets nothing without doing chores to earn it. Yesterday I gave her money for the movies with the understanding that she help me clean today.

    I'll get back to you later and let you know if my trust was misplaced or not.

    We have a feeling that this kid will have a hard time with impulse spending when she gets older. We're going to work on this now and try to lay a good foundation.

  9. Deirdre Says:
    June 27th, 2006 at 01:00 am 1151370010
    1151370010

    Wow, this is what I see coming down the road for me. My 4 yrold is happy happy, my 7 yrold......lookout!! I fear she has a real void of sorts. Always wants alittle something. I need to do the same and cut her back now before she 17 and spending $500 on the visa!! Good luck..I hope she helped you clean.

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