This will be a hard post to write, but I can't always talk about the good stuff. Well, I could but it wouldn't be a very honest blog.
I used to own my own business. Financially things went well, especially at Christmas and Easter. Money was plentiful but time with the kids was not. So what did I do? Bought them things. DS is 11 and doesn't ask for much of anything. He's the most low maintenance kid you could imagine. He doesn't care what he wears, eats, or has. An occasional treat is fine, other than that we seldom buy him things. He saves his allowance for what he wants and frequently gives or loans his money to his big sister.
Then there's the 17 year old. She wants me to buy her things all the time, constantly. She has no job and isn't actively searching. She's a junior in high school. We used to spend time together shopping or going to the book store or the movies. I frequently took her to Hollister, Abercrombie & Fitch, Bebe, Neiman Marcus, etc. My mom and sister buy her a lot too. Last February we went to a wedding in Minnesota and visited the Mall of America. I got her a couple of tee shirts. My sister got her shoes, a purse, a few outfits, and mom got her a Juicy outfit, some jewelry... you get the picture. They went off on their own and I didn't think it would be that much stuff.
Anyhow, it's not like I'm not to blame here. She is used to shopping expiditions where I would drop $400 to $500 with no problem.
We sold our business in 2005 and put the profits into an "untouchable" account. It is for the kids' college education. Right now DH and I both work at jobs that don't pay a spectacular amount. He was downsized in 2004 and makes less now. I enjoy my job for the most part but sure don't make much! The job hunt begins anew this week.
We live within our means right now and pay the bills with what we earn. That's just how it is.
DH and I have both talked to DD about how things are different now. She just can't seem to acknowledge that we're not willing or able to fund shopping trips, a car, money for the school yearbook ($75) $25 in lunch money every week, and on and on. When either of us brings this up she gets angry.
I told DH that we have to show some "tough love" and cut her off from any spending money. He agrees. We've been doing that for a while and she calls us mean. (Sigh)
I figure eventually the kid will get a job. Or, drive us crazy.
That spoiled child... is mine
June 5th, 2006 at 01:22 am
June 5th, 2006 at 01:32 am 1149471131
June 5th, 2006 at 01:32 am 1149471177
Will your daughter do chores for cash at your house? At least this is some way of making money and helping you out around the house.
June 5th, 2006 at 01:32 am 1149471179
You are absolutely right to head her in this direction...Kids with the 'entitlement' mentality have it much tougher than those who have learned the value of working for their needs/wants.
Stay strong and good luck!
June 5th, 2006 at 04:51 am 1149483112
All those Johnson & Johnson baby commercials don't ever tell you this part.......
June 5th, 2006 at 06:12 am 1149487952
June 5th, 2006 at 02:44 pm 1149518676
good luck...and, yes "mean" now, but, down the line, once she starts earning her own money, she'll understand!
June 5th, 2006 at 07:27 pm 1149535652
June 7th, 2006 at 12:49 pm 1149684546
Lately I've been getting her used to the idea that she gets nothing without doing chores to earn it. Yesterday I gave her money for the movies with the understanding that she help me clean today.
I'll get back to you later and let you know if my trust was misplaced or not.
We have a feeling that this kid will have a hard time with impulse spending when she gets older. We're going to work on this now and try to lay a good foundation.
June 27th, 2006 at 01:00 am 1151370010